Category: Let's talk
Earlier, I was talking to one of my friends, and we were talking about long distance relationships. She was saying that there was no way she'd ever do it because she likes sex too much and needs it to be part of her life. The conversation then moved on a bit to various things, but later on, we were talking about a time when she'd been single for nearly two years. She said, she never wanted to go through that again because it was the longest she'd ever gone without sex since she'd lost her virginity. It's times like that, when I think I realise how different we really are, but then I was thinking, for a lot of people it is all about sex, how often they do or don't have it, whether it's good or bad, how long it lasts for and whether one partner's better than the last, etc. But why? Are people really so shallow as to sit there and compare people like that? I mean, I'm not saying never think about it, coz that's impossible, but to knowingly sit there and bitch about it? And, yes ok, sex is important to most people, but is it really right that some people should base their entire existance around it? I was shocked to hear her say that the only reason she didnt' want to be single, was because she couldn't garantee when her next sexual experience would be. That's just weird in my mind. I know that when I think of the man I love, sex isn't the first thing that comes in to my mind. It never has done. So, I'm just wondering if I'm a minority here. Is it all about sex for you? If not, what is it? Oppinions?
It definitely isn't all about sex for me. The other parts of the relationship are all so important. Long distance would be pretty tough, because you can't hold hands, cuddle, kiss, or even hear the other person's voice through anything other than a phone line or INternet connection. So that definitely would be difficult. I wouldn't stray on my GF if we did have to separate for a period of time, but I don't even come close to understanding the people that quote unquote fall in love over the net and meet the guy/girl ten years later. LOL But having said that, a lot of people today place way too much emphaiis on sex and sex only in relationships, or outside them for that matter.
rilationships don't even interest me
Leaffan, I didn't only mean Long distance relationships, I meant in general. There are some people out there, who think that if there is something wrong, sex will solve it. If their partner is upset, sex will solve it. If something good happens, oo! We must have sex. What's that about? What happened to the simple things? What happened to wanting to be held if you feel low? Or being able to vent if you're annoyed, or just being able to enjoy the company of that other person? How is it, that in some cases, sex is more important than communication? What kind of relationship is that?
Wow, that's strange. Of all my friends I've never had one, well perhaps one girl, who thought sex was the most important part of a relationship. I think good sex can improve an already good relationship and, well sex or physical closeness is definitely a big ingredient of a successful relationship, however I am convinced sex cannot save a meaningless relationship or make it work, I think sex really should be about trying to express the strength and depth of your emotions for your partner rather than just about the physical pleasure you get out of it. Yes, sex is great and everything but if you would compare casual sex with someone and sex with someone you are truly in love with, it'd be really black and white, not because of the partners talents or experience but more because of what it actually meant to you, or that's my opinion. I know many people feel differently and sex to them is just a hobby or a sport and I personally think they are fully in their right to feel that way, after all it is a great experience, it all just depends on what you want out of life. The reason I wouldhave a problem with a long distance relationship over extended period of time is that I wouldn't feel it was a real relationship, it's about coming home from work exhausted or sad and have your partner cuddle you or cheer you up or dress up erotically or cook your meal, it's about just sitting in silence and watching the tv holding hands, about going out and discussing the people you meet and share your experiences, some of this you can do online or over the phone but there's always a huge element missing, the element of sharing the actual experiences and the physical intimacy, of which sex is obviously an important sub component but, to me at least, it's only a part of it.
Hey,
well I joke and tease more than most but being totally serious! Have you ever noticed that some of the people that are allways craving sex, allways trying to get with so and so, or do so and so. or making sex to be all most an adiction. are some of the most unhappyist people out there. Partly I am speaking from experience, back in my drinking days that was partly what my life revolved around, if the drink wasn't keeping me happy it had to be sex with so and so. It's one thing to have good sex, and wit someone you care about etc etc, but it can get to a point to where it is self consuming. I've actually thought about this quite a bit sugar and I can see where your coming from. I think the media and movies have a bit to do with it as well.
hmm, something that's just occurred to me also while reading that, is, sometimes the people who just crave sex, are the people who simply crave love but are to scared to admit it because that'd mean they wouldn't be in control of the situation? They'd have to trust someone else other than themselves then... Is this a possibility? Or is my brain on overdrive, smile.
Sugar <grin> good observatin ;) very psychological that.
But it's true, I think, admitting to being in love and giving another person somuch control over your feelings and, to some degree, happiness is a very scary process and it's justoften easier (orit appears easier) to get the ida of being loved r cared about through sex rather than to go all the way into a full blown relationship with all the emotional ups and downs it entails. I can easily see a case for not wnting to be too committed to a person while you are in a period of uncertainty or you just don't want to get involved or hurt. It's a big step to put yourself out there, but if you are to have a successful (and sussexful h ha ha) relationship it's something one has to do.
So I tend to completely agree with what you said.
cheers
-B
I agree with WB. Sex shouldn't be what the relationship is built on. It should be to strengthen the ties between you and your partner, and an expression of how you feel towards each other. But a relationship needs other things too. It is the fact that someone is there for you, the companionship, a shoulder to cry on. The understanding that a relationship needs to work cannot possibly just be built on sex.
It doesn't surprise me that some peple use sex to measure the quality of a relationship or use it as the center of life. Now, I'm not wanting to play the ultra-conservative prude card here, but in all our entertainment stuff, we sure make a big deal about sex, so I guess people just decide that is actually how reality is. Plus, some people are just horndogs and are never satisfied. And others are just very needy for love or attention and want to do the whole psychic vampire thing. Some folks just live for intensity and believe that if a sensation is not intense that there is no reason to experience it.
Sex is always the last expression to show my overwhelming love to my partner. I don't get it either sugar; never ever have. In fact seldom will i think about sex as a need, but that's simply me.
It's a shame that some people just limmit themselves entirely from long distance relationships cos of this reason. I mean, could ultimately be missing out on the "partner of their dreams" .. Lol but seriously
It's all a matter of perspectives really. Yeah, some people are like that, surely the media as contributed to this, but to some people who don't want a relationship, sex is all that matters. Some people also realize that they need to do other things to get sex, so they have a relationship. That's not my style, but to each their own. Some people want interaction, some people want to feel special, and some only want sex. I would say that that the balance of people though needs some combination of these and many other elements, but there r those that only want sex.
the way I see it people concentrate on sex to avoid having to confront the deeper and trickier elements of a relationship,isn't that the human race all over.
well that's slightly off the track but I think it's certainly a good point that can be said for some people fearing relationships.
I by no means think sex is the only thing in a relationship or that it is absolutely necessary, however, I don't think I could live for months; or even weeks, with my husband and not have it. Why? Because it is the way for us to get closest. Sex to me is the ultimate giving and taking. It is one of the ways to get to the core of someone. Having said that I think other things that are necessary to a good relationship are communication, some common interests and of course emotional stability. Also, I need to add, I do feel that I need to be satisfied, and so should my husband. Why? Because if he weren't willing to please me it would show a lack of consideration, and vice versa.
Witchcraft I agree wholeheartedly.
Much like stargate, relationships don't interest me either.
Sex, however, is a very good feeling activity... and, above that, it also is a very good medium to express your affection and desire for the one you're with.
But.... You can definitely live without it. I'm living proof! :-D
Sex is nice, and can be a lovely bonus in a relationship, but it shouldn't be the foundation for which it's built on.
However, it can be grate after an arguement!!!!
Make up sex is the best!!!!!
It shouldn't be all about the sex. Where's the love, caring, good listener, and things like that? Yes sex it a part of a couple but like someone mentioned I know some people who have been hurt do to someone not having sex with them, and I think that there's more to relationship then that.
Troy
I think everyone can agree it shouldn't be all about sex, even reading what the original conversation was about, I guess I can empathasize with what the friend was saying, to me nowhere does she necessarily say "it's all about the sex." Anyways, sex is very important, but its one of many factors in a relationship. When the sex is bad though, or when you just lack chemistry with a partner, it can really kill a relationship.
Okay this is going even further off the beaten track but its related somewhat... Is it true for both the male and feamale that once you've had sex you'll want it more and more? Is that perhaps why people think of sex as the end-all cure-all or at least part of the reason why they might?
Well I've never actually done it before but when I'm with a girl sex is most definitely not on the brains. I really can careless about that as that may seem odd to some. Honestly in my opinion I don't think a relationship should souly revolve around sex and also in a realtionship, I'd rather wait until the time is right for both me and my partner.
I have never had sex. So what? I am still living, and, for me, it is not important. I mean, fine, it is based on bad experiences, not on any religious stuff, but I think, even if I had sex once I would not become a sex addict. I agree with you, Danielle. It doesn'T always have to be about sex. there's more to life, and there's more to love than just sex. Way more. Sex is not even the most important part of love in my opinion.
I think communication, trust, love, spending time doing things together like listening to a book or going out to eat, being there for one another through the good and bad times are just as important as sex in a relationship.
um, all about sex? in a relationship, the best thing to do is sit down and have a cup of tea. yaya, and that's my true opinion too!